Out there in the darkness, I thought I would be lost forever... but once my eyes adjusted, I found, much to my surprise, that within this darkness, I had discovered hope.
 
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 The Holocron of Reaper

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Cognus
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Cognus

Posts : 38
Join date : 2018-09-02
Age : 28
Location : Kentucky, USA

PostSubject: The Holocron of Reaper   Tue Sep 04, 2018 3:59 am

Welcome to my Holocron



I will post in here as often as I feel the need to.

Will post using "RED" and ask that replies please be in
"WHITE"


Last edited by Cognus on Sun Jan 06, 2019 1:10 am; edited 2 times in total
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Cognus
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Posts : 38
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Age : 28
Location : Kentucky, USA

PostSubject: Re: The Holocron of Reaper   Tue Sep 04, 2018 8:34 pm

Personal Realization


I've spent many years trying to figure out where I belong, or what I fit into in this crazy universe we live in. Through the multitudes of religious beliefs I've combed through, to the endless hours spent researching online. Nothing has really felt right, spoken to me in the way that's given any sign or hint of relief from the constant wonder.

I've tried to, foolishly, convince myself over the years that, it's fine, you'll figure it out someday. This has all been an effort done in vain, as I've only been lying to myself and holding myself back.

After my short time here at the NSO, I've had a major realization that these lies need to stop. It's only hurting myself and putting a hindrance on my growth. So, with that being said, I'm announcing to myself, the universe, and all who come and read this later on the following.

I don't know where I want to be in life, and I'm not afraid to admit this truth. I intend to do some, "soul searching", "meditation", whatever it takes to come to an even better realization and bring it into fruition.

There's no time like the present, and covering up the truth with false senses of peace, and tranquility is utter laziness.
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Cognus
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Location : Kentucky, USA

PostSubject: Re: The Holocron of Reaper   Sun Sep 09, 2018 2:56 am

Day of Importance
I've been searching for so long, through countless Google searches, long nights, to the many conversations with others to try and find a "spiritual" connection, that makes this crazy thing called life a little easier.

After spending some time here at the NSO, doing some of my studies and through talks with Lord Sanguinus. I've decided that I need to remove the false ideals from my life, in order to be more self fulfilled. This has come to realization from watching a video by Darren Brown. He shows how easily we, as humans, can be easily manipulated into believing "spiritual" phenomena exist. The happiness someone feels when having a "spiritual" connection is found within us. We just have to find out how to release it and use it.

With all this being said, I've decided to stop wearing my mjolnir pendant that I've worn for 4 years. I've come to realize it was just a symbol of distraction and I wasn't using it because it held any belief for me, but the fact i thought it was cool.

I feel a certain calm and freeness to have come to this realization. After so long of searching, it's a great feeling to finally make a decision that feels right to me and makes since.
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PostSubject: Re: The Holocron of Reaper   Wed Sep 19, 2018 6:54 pm

Time


The other day, the wife and I went to pick our son up from his grandmother's house. After we left, I needed to use the restroom and didn't think that I would be able to make it home. So, we stopped at the nearest gas station. As I'm coming out of the gas station, I noticed that the colors outside had almost dulled. Where before it was very bright and sunny. When I got outside, I looked up at the sky and noticed 2 things.

One, the color change was being caused by the sunset and the fact that there were rain clouds hovering above. Second, I noticed the complete opposite direction from the sunset, you could almost see the darkness rolling across the sky. Where the daylight was leaving from one side, the night was approaching from the other.

This was a really awesome sight to behold and it also made me realize, even more then usual, that time stops for no one or anything. No matter what you are doing, going through, or have planned. We should always be living life to the fullest extent possible, because time doesn't stand around and wait for you to be ready to live. It goes on with, or without us.
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PostSubject: Re: The Holocron of Reaper   Fri Dec 28, 2018 8:51 am

It's been awhile since I posted here, so I think an update is in order.

Christmas eve was a very...uh...fun day. Started at 5 am when I got up for work. I get to work at 6, then get a phone call from my wife saying she's having stomach pains and needs to go to the hospital. So, 37 minutes into my shift I leave and take her to the hospital to find out we are going to have a baby.

So, 5 hours go by and the time finally comes and our 4th child, baby Anakin, was born. A very exciting and relieving moment indeed.

As the day goes by, I can tell my energy is depleting because of the hour and a half of sleep I had the night before all of this happened. As a result, I'm getting irritated and just generally unhappy. However, I do my best to control the notion to be angry with people for no reason and pull through to midnight.

All in all, the day ended up being an eventful one, and we were blessed with one of the best Christmas gifts imaginable.
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PostSubject: Re: The Holocron of Reaper   Tue Jan 01, 2019 8:41 pm

You know, I've realized something about myself. I put too much effort into trying to obtain titles. I did it at work, I've done it in other areas of my life as well and for what?

Like at work, I wanted that AGM title. I didn't get it, but I did get the same pay raise I would've gotten if i had. Also, got a better shift that makes me have a better home life, which is what is important to me.

I've found myself guilty of doing it here as well. I've really wanted to rush through my training material to reach that next rank. But, what is that going to achieve or do for me in the greater scheme of things? It should be about the process, journey if you will, and not the end.

Titles dont make you who you are. They don't give you real worth. Maybe some personal satisfaction or gratification, but at the end of the day you are just you.
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PostSubject: Re: The Holocron of Reaper   Sun Jan 06, 2019 1:07 am

Well yesterday was, what you could call, a series of unfortunate events. It didn't start out this way however.

I get to work at 6 am. Everything was going great, and my day was good. It was Friday, I was excited and ready to start my weekend. As 2pm approaches, I find out that both of the part time people we had scheduled, decided to call in. Obviously, this threw a monkey wrench into my plans, which were to get out of there at 2 and head to my house.

So, I end up spending the next 45 minutes trying to find someone to cover the shift. At which point, our new AGM was in the gym working out and volunteered to stay until someone else came in. I was grateful for that, as it meant I got to leave. I head outside, only to find my car had a flat tire. This was extremely frustrating, as I had just replaced another tire the day before. So, I shake off the anger and get my tools out to change the tire so I can be on my way. As I'm about to take the tire off, I notice that my tire iron isn't fitting just right. So I try another one of the lug nuts, only to realize that the last time I had work done, the mechanic tightened them down so much that there was no budging them. In the process of trying to remove the lug nuts, I end up breaking my tire iron.

So, I call my wife and tell her what's going on and that I'm going to be late getting home. After about 2 hours, I finally start getting help from the in-laws.

Long story short, I spent 4 hours after work trying to fix a tire that should've taken no more then 10 minutes. Was a very stressful event, as I only have 1 car and wasn't sure what we were doing to do being a friday evening. In the end though, the day turned around and went back to being a very minimal stressful one.

PSA: If I learned one thing about the whole experience, it would be this. Be prepared for anything that can get thrown your way. A cheap $20 air pump could be the difference between being stuck on the side of the road, or being at home where you can enjoy your time.
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Cognus
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PostSubject: Re: The Holocron of Reaper   Tue Jan 15, 2019 1:47 pm

Had somewhat of a discussion with Luciana about this, then Raven hit me up afterwards and we talked about it more. This is my perspective of the phrase, "Nothing is true, Everything is permitted."

The Nothing is true part, is basically saying, look at things not as what they are, but what they could be. Kind of like parkour, use objects that most people would walk around or avoid, to achieve fluent and quick movements from point a to point b.

So for example, you come upon a huge fallen down tree. Most people would turn around if its blocking the path or find some way to go around it, if possible. Where as, someone with the Nothing is true mentality, would not see a tree, but merely an obstacle to get over, steps to clear to continue along the path. (The tree being conflict, imo, in this analogy)

The Everything is permitted is a mindset you achieve after realizing that Nothing is true and the world is your playground. Thereby, using any methods, techniques, etc possible to overcome any obstacle and continuing our paths.

Raven pointed out that my perspective gave her new insights into her own thinking, which made me realize something as well. No matter your skill level, title, rank, etc you never stop learning. Just because you are a "Master" at something doesn't mean you should stop seeking out knowledge.
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PostSubject: Re: The Holocron of Reaper   Thu Jan 17, 2019 10:40 pm

Self Reflection

Do you have any specific examples in your offline life where you have already utilized the Dark part of your self in this manner?

I would say the time I've spent at my current job, and what I've done to get where I am at it. I started working part time when I started. A couple days a week for 5 hours or so at a time. My original plan was to work 2 jobs, to have the extra income, but that didnt work out for reasons out of my control.

After being taken off the schedule at my other job, I decided to tell my boss at my current job what my intentions were. To work my way to full time, because I enjoyed the job and wanted to go further within the company.
So, I proceeded to build a relationship with my boss, where she knew she could trust me, whether it was to get something done at work, or just to listen to some story, not that I cared about the details.
I won't go into detail about the situations, but there were a couple different instances where I gained a piece of information that I could've kept to myself and let slide into the void, but instead I saw opportunities to use these means as an end to further gain the trust of my boss. Long story short, I was a deciding factor of a few fellow employees losing their jobs.

After about 9 months, a full time position opened up. It was a shift I didn't necessarily want, but I couldn't pass up the opportunity. So I continue to do my work this shift the same way I had been, only to realize my co-worker wasn't doing shit. So I proceeded, for the next 3 months, to come into work and do absolutely nothing. This may be seen as laziness, but I saw it as more of a test of how well my relationship with my boss had become.
Sure enough, every time the boss had something negative to say about how the club looked, it was directed at my co-worker. The bond between us was growing as she would confide in me, about work related issues as well as outside issues.

Why did I say 3 months earlier on? Well that's how long it took me to work my way into management after getting full time. This is where I started to shine, because I was becoming more involved with the company and doing more interesting tasks instead of the plan mundane cleaning assignments.

I've since worked my way into the mind, and trust, of the General Manager that ended up replacing the original one. I have a way of perfecting the aspects I enjoy doing, and deceiving the parts I don't.
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